Who doesn’t love Dakota Fanning? We adore this young actress, who began her career when she was merely five years of age. She impresses us for having been the youngest person in history to be nominated (for her role in “I Am Sam”) for a Screen Actor’s Guild Award. We first got to know Dakota through a Tide detergent commercial, followed by appearances on famous television shows like ER and Ally McBeal. We were enthralled by her appearance in TomCats, and we haven’t stopped following her since…

Most recently, we spotted Dakota Fanning wearing a Lemon Sorbet watch by Fruitz, which manufactures fun, colorful and fashionable timepieces.

Fruitz currently offers three collections: Fruitz Classic, Sorbet and Happy Hour. The Sorbet collection differs from the other two in that watches in this collection have expandable stainless steel bracelets, as opposed to watches in the other collections with have silicon straps.

All Fruitz watches, including the Lemon Sorbet that Dakota loves, have natural frequency technology disks embedded in their case backs. These disks are infused with the same frequency at which the earth resonates, and claim to relax and calm wearers.

Looks like Dakota Fanning is pretty relaxed in her Fruits watch, don’t you think? Well, apparently her watch has her in good spirits; as she says, “I am so happy to have one!”

Technorati Tags: dakota fanning, fruits, watches

The host of the Daily Show looking more serious than usual

Jon Stewart starts the daily show with a story that is almost completely without meaning and subsequently hilarious. The story? A scandal about the thousands of dollars spent by the G.O.P at a bondage-themed strip club. In defense of the expenditures, once might argue that Voyeur, located in West Hollywood, isn’t a sleazy go-go bar, but “a destination for provocative revelry that combines eroticism and nightlife exclusivity.” Alison Meyers, head of RNC’s Young Eagles, was fired for her direct involvement with the ordeal, while Michael Steel was competely let off the hook.

In other news, John McCain is struggling to maintain a narrow lead in a tight senatorial primary against J.D. Hayworth. With his back against the wall, the prodigal daughter – Sarah Palin – tries to save the falling maverick in her own not-very-helpful way.

Sarah puts McCain beneath her wing for the upcoming primaries

Robin Williams is the guest of the evening, and he thanks Jon for inviting him to relapse (a direct reference to the gift basket that included a bottle of vodka). He also mentions his heart, which is now constructed partially from cow parts, and recommends doctor’s in Cleveland for all future medical procedures. His book,

“Weapons of Destruction,” isn’t mentioned until the last second of the episode.

Technorati Tags: Alison Meyers, Daily Show, GOP, Jon Stewart, scandal

Stephen is Fighting for America

In Tuesday’s Colbert Report, Stephen expresses his surprise when Ricky Martin comes out of the closet, admitting that the news has rendered him upside-inside-out. He is saddened by the fact that The Holy Week has been tainted by more priest abuse cases, which are slowly popping up across Europe. Stephen urges everyone to forgive and forget, since sex abuse has only been committed by 4% of priests.

Another edition of “Thought for Food” discusses Nature Babycare Diapers – which are manufactured from corn-based materials – and a study asserting that fatty foods are as addictive as heroin and crack cocaine. Stephen laughs at Jaimie Oliver, when his show fails to convince kids that chicken-carcus-slurries don’t make a good chicken nugget.

Stephen was surprised to hear that Ricky is gay

Stephen interviews Simon Johnson about his book 13Bankers, in which he discusses the five year pattern of wallstreet-sanctioned financial meltdowns. He explains why failure is important to the market, and how Obama’s administration failed to break up with big banks. He calls the president a capitalist, and admits that he doesn’t have faith in the country’s judicial system. Johnson also convinces Stephen about the danger of the enormous banks, and how they metaphorically flip over the game board when they start to lose at their global game of economic monopoly.

Technorati Tags: colbert report, priests, ricky martin, Stephen, the holy week

Stephen is Fighting for America

Stephen welcomes Jewish viewers with a humble shalom, which he describes as the hebrew word for “aloha,” and celebrates Passover by inviting Elijah over for seder. When he learns that he’s been stood up yet again, he turns desperately to fill the slot with Senator Claire McCaskill. He uses a top-shelf bottle of Maneshewitz wine – intended for the seder – to degrease an old bike chain, and finds that free health care means that it makes sense to wash your hands with raw chicken.

In other news, hundreds of vultures are reportedly circling the Sun City retirement community in Georgetown, Texas; Americans have started to target those who voted for the Health Care reform bill, and Republicans vow not ever to cooperate on a bill like H.R. 4495, where both parties revolutionarily worked together to rename the United States Postal Service building in Patagonia, Arizona, the ‘Jim Kolbe Post Office.”

Senator McCaskill stands firmly behind the president's reformation of health care

Later in the show, Stephen tips his hat to the Jews after he learns that they’ve gone commercial with Passover, sighting a product at Bed Bath and Beyond, which renders the ten biblical plagues as wonderful finger puppets. He closes with an interview with Senator McCaskill, who expresses her expert vision of how to improve America, and grants well-wishes to Rush Limbaugh who is out looking for a better life in Costa Rica.

Technorati Tags: jewish, seder, senator claire mccaskill, Stephen

The (dramatized) Simpsons

When Homer flashes Ned‘s bible study group, the good christian learns that he must try to embrace the obnoxious neighbor. With the helpful persuasion of a what-would-jesus-do bracelet, and the it’s-time-for-a-good-deed  wall clock, Ned grows the courage to invite the Simpson family on the bible study’s journey to the Holy Land, Jerusalem. He would had turned him town, if his sarcastic response hadn’t drawn Marge’s attention, just in time for her to accept the offer, and insist that they’d pay their own way.

In Israel, Homer is forced by the Israeli Army to admit that potato pancakes – or latkhas – are as good as American pancakes, and that falafel can be delivered to the top of Mt. Zion. Bart is chased from the Wailing Wall by a special tour-guide’s super daughter, who works security for the tour, and uses Krav Maga to take him down. And, eventually, Ned has a mental breakdown, which leads to his banishment from entering a very special church.

Homer thinks that the upset christian runs off into the desert, and he pursues him on the back of a camel (aka a sand horse). But, he gets stranded in the desert, and is confronted by three heaven-sent vegetables, who deem him the messiah. When he gets rescued, the good doctor diagnoses him with Jerusalem Syndrome, just before the patient vanishes from the hospital bed.

The Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where Ned freaked out at Homer

They find him at the Dome of the Rock, announcing that every religion is part of the same clod of clay, and that everyone needs to celebrate the commonality of chicken; after all, Muslims, Christians and Jews can all eat it.

By the end of the episode, Homer urges all to spread the word, “Peace and Chicken!”

Technorati Tags: christian, holy land, jerusalem, ned, simpsons

Advertisement with Extended Cast

The second episode of season 14 opened with the unbanning of an infamous book: J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. Mr. Garrison tells the children of South Park Elementary that the vulgar and disgusting publication is now allowed in the school’s curriculum, and that everyone is expected to read the first three chapters by the following day. Enthralled at the notion of this wonderfully sinister book, Eric Cartman pleads for the class to begin reading once he has the book in his hands.

The next scene has Stan and Kyle discussing the impending disappointment as they draw toward the end of the novel. When Cartman busts through Kyle’s bedroom door, he’s infuriated by the fact that he just got tricked into reading an entire book for nothing. Out of anger for the pathetic book that was somehow banned, the four boys decide to write their own ban-worthy publication, putting Catcher in the Rye to shame.

The Notorious Publication in the Print

The title of the work is Scrotie McBoogerballs, and when Stan’s parents discover it, they vomit while reading its contents. Stan is frantic once he discovers the book missing, so the four friends conspire to blame Butters, in anticipation of the trouble they will get in for writing such despicable material. To their surprise, Butters gets famous and turns into a complete modernized novelist. All is well for little Leopold, especially when his second book, the Poop that Took a Pee, gets even better reviews than the first. But, when a crazed fan is inspired by the book to kill the Kardashian sisters, Leopold Stotch cries in remorse, until Kyle is given the chance to explain why it’s best to just stick with television.

Technorati Tags: Catcher in the Rye, Eric Cartman, JD salinger, season 14, south park

Matt Groening, creator The Simpsons

The Simpsons break new ground in social commenary as Matt Groening introduces what seems to be a new level of socio-centric animated satire.

The beginning of the episode shows Homer with his new GPS system, and how difficult it is for him  to follow Lisa’s simple explanation: meters are three inches longer than the 36-inch yard. Because of his dimwitted demeanor, he misses a right turn, and somehow manages to crash through a construction site before arriving at the front of the elementary school, fastened to the back-end of a tow truck.

At school, Bart is disappointed about his teacher’s absence when he learns that Skinner is forcing their class to integrate with their fellow forth graders. But, the transition isn’t a total loss, once he chooses a desk with a vampire-loving skateboard girl named Nikki.

Meanwhile, Lisa is busy loathing her first ‘F’ while seated alone on the playground see-saw. She tries to cope with the horrible truth, until suddenly a fellow failure joins her on the teeter-totter. Soon everyone is embracing her common stupidity, which gets spoiled by the teacher, who reveals that the grade was just a mistake, and that the young girl had really gotten an ‘A’ triple plus on the exam. This news turns the majority against her, as she is immediately ridiculed for her superior mental capacity. In her confusion about what had happened, Lisa posts on her organic gardening blog. She is enthralled to find an inspirational response from a curious individual named flotus1. To her surprise, the author turns out to be the First Lady Of The United States, Michele Obama, who arrives by helicopter to congratulate Lisa’s ambitions, and to inspire other over-achievers to continue on the path to greatness.

The (dramatized) Simpsons

As for the fourth-grade relationship, America’s overly litigious society is heavily criticized as an innocent kiss turns into a lawsuit, leading to the young boy receiving a crash course in the bizarre nature of love, which would have turned him away from girls altogether, if not for another strategically whimsical kiss on the boy’s cheek.

Technorati Tags: animated, matt goening, satire, simpsons, social commentary, socio-centric

The guy on the left sells liquor, and the middle one owns a Diamond mine.

Today, Tuesday, March 23, the government of Sri Lanka announced that Akon, the long forgotten Senegalese-American R&B singer – known for such gems as “I wanna F**K you,” “Smack That,” and “I’m so paid” – had been officially denied him an entry visa. While many would wonder why such a talented musician would be prevented from entering a prestigious country like Sri Lanka, all it takes is a simple glance into the notoriously controversial artist’s recent past to realize that it was probably a really good idea.

According to Akon, his full name is Aliaune Damala Akon Thiam, even though his legal name is all that but one very important part – Akon. His shady claim of a three-year stint in an auto-theft ring dissolved in light of the fact that he’d never been convicted of a crime. And, it seems that Konvict Records isn’t even remotely the truth, considering how he has yet to spend a single day in prison during criminalistic years.

This sort of stuff isn't cool in Sri Lanka, Akon.

In truth, the man has fathered six children with three different women, and owns a South African diamond mine to produce the musical gems of auto-tuned perfection. Fortunately, for his musical career, he depends on something else other than his own god-given talent.

Technorati Tags: akon, controversial, denied, sri lanka

Californian movie sets like this are growing ever more scarce by the year

In 2003, California’s world share of studio films – or, in other words, the movies made by the six biggest studios – was at a healthy 66 percent; by 2008 it had plummeted to a meager 34 percent. To question how Hollywood has slowly become the least popular place to make movies, is to trace the roots back to 1998, when Canada first started to offer incentive tax breaks for producers and crews who were willing to conduct business outside of California. Since then, seven U.S. states, and 24 different countries have begun competing with grants, rebates, and tax credits promising to eliminate as much as 40 percent of the cost for shooting a film.

Product of Vancouver, Canada

The reason behind the madness is simple economics; when a monstrous production arrives in any location, there are instantly a few hundred new jobs that pop up out of thin air (which is especially fantastic when the given city doesn’t have the money to build factories). California, which is currently suffering from a hard budget crisis, has managed to get ten feature films shot on location in Los Angeles by using what modest incentive the golden state could muster.

Perhaps the city of L.A. should offer up free gas masks or parking spots to those who do decide to continue making movies in California.

Technorati Tags: california, canada, crews, hollywood, movie, producers

The Leader of The Colbert Nation

Stephen Colbert chokes on a tongue-twister of a story, when he reports on the growing support for a gonad-less March Madness; that’s right, this year’s March Madness doesn’t just involve basketball, but it hopes to inspire male fans to go to their neighborhood doctor for a simple snip, medically known as a vasectomy.

A vasectomy, which is a general procedure for male sterilization, is now being popularly marketed by Doctor-endorsed March Madness free-pizza enticements, and a lifestyle choice that earns the right to watch basketball for ‘rejuvenational purposes.’

But, Stephen sees how a vasectomy  can translate into three days off work, and he raises the petty procedure to a full-out lobotomy, which would not only lay a man up for the entire season of UFC, but irreparably degrade his mind enough for him to actually enjoy it. And, fortunately enough, not only will the ‘vasectomized’ patient be thoroughly invested in the nourishing world of UFC and basketball, but he will also get a formal introduction to a more bad-ass type of chess game.

Check Mate!

Chess-boxing combines the wit of chess with the dim of boxing, to create a new hybrid-sport. In this trendy game, opponents first duel out four minutes of brutal chess, before they put on the gloves and duke it out rocky-style.

And to think, all that truly divides a man from manhood, is a vasectomy! Wow!

Technorati Tags: basketball, march madness, Stephen Colbert, vasectomy