Stephen Colbert, host of the Colbert Report

In this episode of the Colbert Report, Stephen discusses an electronic vocal organ that is posing as a teacher, converses with PK Winsom about tea party racism, expresses his distaste for the 4/20 pot-head celebration, and interviews the CEO of Dreamworks Animation, Jeffrey Katzenberg.

The episode opens with Stephen Colbert discussing a controversial clip of him using a Chinese accent that was somehow perceived as racist. After re-showing it – for those that missed it – he moves to his own defense, by rolling a story about a innovative and highly-complex electronic vocal organ that was recently invented by Japanese scientists. Stephen claims that he learned with the robot teacher, since the new creation was designed  to help the hearing impaired with their vocal training.

Jeffrey Katzenberg, CEO of Dreamworks Animation

Later on in show, Tea party racism is allegedly accredited to the fact that the rallies are – in general – mostly white with an insignificant number African American participants. To remedy this issue, PK Winsom shows up, offering his services to any protest that needs a few black people to reduce the any racial tensions. Then, as a tangent on the subject of race, Stephen stakes a claim against the pot-headed holiday, four twenty.

To close the episode, Jeffrey Cassenberg, the CEO of Dreamworks animation, announces that every future Dreamworks movie will be shown in 3-d, citing that life is in 3 dimensions, so why not our movies?

Technorati Tags: 4/20, CEO, colbert report, dreamworks animation, jeffrey katzenberg, PK Winsom

This host is tough as nails

Stephen Colbert opens his report with a newsweek cover, he then probes into the slavery side of Confederate Month, leads a conversation about fast-food in afghanistan and cupcakes in Germany, before finally wondering if nature could ever be gay.

To kick it all off, the host holds up the NewsWeek cover that displays the words “America’s Back!” over a patriotic background. He supports the celebration, happily announcing the news that the Dow Jones closed above 11,00 for the first time since September 2008. And even though he isn’t quite sure what that means, his trusty financial advisor, Gorlock, assures him in a new book, ”To Serve the Investor,” that it’s best for Stephen to just “relax and fatten up.”

In other news, Governor Robert Mcdonald of Virginia decides to call April, Confederate History Month. Stephen creates a new bumper sticker, “VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS of embarrasing moments in American History,” which brings him It him to the Word: Slavery. In the snippet, Stephen discusses how some southerners consider slavery as an insignificant issue.  They want to merely focus on states rights, which just so happen to include slave ownership in certain regionns. As Alexander Stephens so elegantly phrased it: “[The Confederacy's] corner-stone rests upon the great truth that the Negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery — subordination to the superior race –is his natural and normal condition.” By the end of The Word, Stephen tells everyone to strip the hateful word of its meaning, as he begins referring to everyone in the audience as his “slave-uhs” (as in slaver, or someone who owns slaves.)

The Nussbeugerl reflects the 'German Smile', which is a frown to Americans.

The episode moves into a discourse on the fast food ban in afghanistan, and a burger king commercial depicting a crazy King, which lead Stephen to believe that food advertisers are in fact lunatics; he goes on to cite the campaigns for Coco Puffs, Almond Joys/ Mounds, and the KFC Double-Down Sandwich as further proof of commercial craziness. Then he transitions into a story about Germany turning down Mcdonald’s line of American cupcakes, after their citizens continue to prefer their own native bavarian pastries, (like the “Nussbeugerl.” ) Desperate to show Germany the good stuff, Stephen invites German Ambassador of the UN, Hanz Bienholdt, to come in and try a cupcake. After explaining the bizarre item to the Ambassador, the German representative decides that he doesn’t like “cuppit ckaes”, though he does openly admit that he’s done many unforgivable things for a Klondike Bar.

The episode closes with a discussion about ‘They Gay,” an article in The New York Times by the straight-human, Jon Mooallem. It discusses whether or not animals can be homosexual. And, as it turns out, it’s difficult to tell; however, studies have reported that one third of a studied population of Albatross have actually paired off in lesbian couples. Stephen doesn’t get much evidence to swing either ways, so he swings alittle in both directions.

Technorati Tags: afghanistan, confederate month, cupcakes, fast-food, gay, germany, nature, report, slavery, Stephen Colbert

Stephen is Fighting for America

In Tuesday’s Colbert Report, Stephen expresses his surprise when Ricky Martin comes out of the closet, admitting that the news has rendered him upside-inside-out. He is saddened by the fact that The Holy Week has been tainted by more priest abuse cases, which are slowly popping up across Europe. Stephen urges everyone to forgive and forget, since sex abuse has only been committed by 4% of priests.

Another edition of “Thought for Food” discusses Nature Babycare Diapers – which are manufactured from corn-based materials – and a study asserting that fatty foods are as addictive as heroin and crack cocaine. Stephen laughs at Jaimie Oliver, when his show fails to convince kids that chicken-carcus-slurries don’t make a good chicken nugget.

Stephen was surprised to hear that Ricky is gay

Stephen interviews Simon Johnson about his book 13Bankers, in which he discusses the five year pattern of wallstreet-sanctioned financial meltdowns. He explains why failure is important to the market, and how Obama’s administration failed to break up with big banks. He calls the president a capitalist, and admits that he doesn’t have faith in the country’s judicial system. Johnson also convinces Stephen about the danger of the enormous banks, and how they metaphorically flip over the game board when they start to lose at their global game of economic monopoly.

Technorati Tags: colbert report, priests, ricky martin, Stephen, the holy week

Stephen is Fighting for America

Stephen welcomes Jewish viewers with a humble shalom, which he describes as the hebrew word for “aloha,” and celebrates Passover by inviting Elijah over for seder. When he learns that he’s been stood up yet again, he turns desperately to fill the slot with Senator Claire McCaskill. He uses a top-shelf bottle of Maneshewitz wine – intended for the seder – to degrease an old bike chain, and finds that free health care means that it makes sense to wash your hands with raw chicken.

In other news, hundreds of vultures are reportedly circling the Sun City retirement community in Georgetown, Texas; Americans have started to target those who voted for the Health Care reform bill, and Republicans vow not ever to cooperate on a bill like H.R. 4495, where both parties revolutionarily worked together to rename the United States Postal Service building in Patagonia, Arizona, the ‘Jim Kolbe Post Office.”

Senator McCaskill stands firmly behind the president's reformation of health care

Later in the show, Stephen tips his hat to the Jews after he learns that they’ve gone commercial with Passover, sighting a product at Bed Bath and Beyond, which renders the ten biblical plagues as wonderful finger puppets. He closes with an interview with Senator McCaskill, who expresses her expert vision of how to improve America, and grants well-wishes to Rush Limbaugh who is out looking for a better life in Costa Rica.

Technorati Tags: jewish, seder, senator claire mccaskill, Stephen

The Leader of The Colbert Nation

Stephen Colbert chokes on a tongue-twister of a story, when he reports on the growing support for a gonad-less March Madness; that’s right, this year’s March Madness doesn’t just involve basketball, but it hopes to inspire male fans to go to their neighborhood doctor for a simple snip, medically known as a vasectomy.

A vasectomy, which is a general procedure for male sterilization, is now being popularly marketed by Doctor-endorsed March Madness free-pizza enticements, and a lifestyle choice that earns the right to watch basketball for ‘rejuvenational purposes.’

But, Stephen sees how a vasectomy  can translate into three days off work, and he raises the petty procedure to a full-out lobotomy, which would not only lay a man up for the entire season of UFC, but irreparably degrade his mind enough for him to actually enjoy it. And, fortunately enough, not only will the ‘vasectomized’ patient be thoroughly invested in the nourishing world of UFC and basketball, but he will also get a formal introduction to a more bad-ass type of chess game.

Check Mate!

Chess-boxing combines the wit of chess with the dim of boxing, to create a new hybrid-sport. In this trendy game, opponents first duel out four minutes of brutal chess, before they put on the gloves and duke it out rocky-style.

And to think, all that truly divides a man from manhood, is a vasectomy! Wow!

Technorati Tags: basketball, march madness, Stephen Colbert, vasectomy